De-fatting

Well, so far I have lost 3lb in 5 days which I can't complain about. I just need to keep going despite the urge to just ram crap into my mouth.

Oh, good news, I definately do not have aids, woohoo! The GUM clinic results came back totally clear. I must be one of the only people in this town to never have known Chlamydia, haha.

I have decided to be practically perfect at uni when I go back. Not only will I work hard but I am also going to join the music theatre or performing arts society, and be sociable. I think I might actually have to go and watch La Roux in concert too. I wanted to see Dizzee Rascal (I am incredibly ashamed of myself for this) but he's sold out. Gone are my days of watching Hayley Westenra, Will Young and Donny Osmond. I am a true skank ho now. Good times-smack my bitch up and all that. I may aspire to be Jordan before long. I do feel the urge to go clubbing and flash my arse to be fair.

I feel my new aim is to get an awesome blinging outfit and do X-Factor next year. I have to sing something festival fresh though. It's definately going to be La Roux or someone like that. I need to be thin before then though. I think I have like 9 months or something til auditions. Maybe I should do a local competition first.

Keep it real

Lola x

Old people suck

My boyfriend's grandparents are doing my head in! Is that awful? Two days ago, Lee plugged in the laptop for me at their house while his grandad was recording some terrible music onto usb and for no reason, it went off. Because it was blatantly the end of the world, his grandad proceeced to tell him how everything he touches goes to hell and how he is stupid, blah blah blah. I nearly lost my rag-how dare he critisise the most important person in my life, who is brilliant in every way! Everything thing you say, he has to answer back to and whenever Lee buys him anything, he's full of ingratitude. I could take his face off sometimes. They always go on about how 'precious and talented' Lee's brother is and give Lee no credit. It pure fucks me off I'm telling you.

Anyway, GUM clinic today. Ok, I was fairly traumatised when the nurse showed me the giant piece of metal she was going to ply me apart with but....it wasn't that bad. I'm totally not worried about having a smear now and we do not have genital warts-wahey! Got tested for other stuff that we don't have most likely but better to be safe than sorry. You get 20 free condoms for getting tested. Woohoo! It costs £3 for 3 in ASDA. At least I can come of this pill for a month and lose some weight although my new exercise game for Wii is going well-I'm actually sore from putting effort in!

Went to Vindolanda and other Roman places yesterday. We saw where Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was filmed too. It was a nice day out, pretty boring but I wanted to take Lee as a treat since he's into all that stuff. I mostly enjoyed all the walking and fresh air. We gone from bloody Jordan and Peter to Richard and Judy in one short step.

Still working on the Kate Bush tribute. I think getting my boobs out will add to the excitement.

Lola Lovehoe

And the beat goes on

Big week this week-GUM clinic on friday, oh yessah! Of course it was slightly humiliating when I went in to make an appointment and sitting next to the receptionist was a girl from my year at school on placement. Great, now the whole world knows I have herpes. My dreams are coming true. To make it worse, the receptionist decided to ask if we needed any condoms. To be fair, I think it's a bit late for that.

Decided to surprise my boyfriend at the pub for last orders on his darts night (not a great surprise but you know) and just as my mum drove away, noticed my ex with his back to me. Not only that, he picked it as the perfect moment to come to the bar....as my gayboy was walking round the corner and shouted at me to get him a drink. It's a wonder I don't take crystal meths to be perfectly honest.

Thank God my placement is finished though, I was ready to top myself. There is only so many times you can way babies and watch women breastfeed. I totally want to have a baby. I wonder what would happen if I forgot to take my pill for like, a year or so. This hips were totally made for birthing, even more so now that I've totally fatted up. I really need to lose this weight, I'm feeling very Vanessa Feltz.

My dream this week is to be a Kate Bush tribute act...if someone knows where I can get a Viking outfit, let me know. I'm also planning to marry José Mourinho. I really can't be bothered to work so I think becoming a WAG is my only option. Or I could make a sex video....mmm STI publicity.

Watch this space Hos!

Lola Love-hoe x